What if…
Sometimes at dinner we throw a ‘what if’ question into the conversation, like “If a genie granted you 3 wishes, what would they be?” or “If you could be in the movie of your choice, what movie would you choose and what character would you play?”.
It’s not dinner time now, but I feel like sharing a question, which I’m asking myself very often:
“If we all chose to be kind and respectful towards ourselves and others every single day, what would our world be like?”
If I take that thought further and briefly imagine that kindness and respect are shared core values in our global society, more questions come up for me:
1) “How would that influence and change our discussions and behaviours towards #diversity #equity and #inclusion?
2) How would that influence and change our discussions and behaviours towards #psychologicalsafety at work, in schools, in families, etc.?”
At this point in the conversation my counterpart usually tells me in a kind (haha) way that I’m too naïve, not made for the real world and that life doesn’t function like that. Phew, I’m just glad that I have #jacindaardern on my side as she believes in kindness as well! Besides, at the age of 46 I can handle being called out naïve ;)
And since I can’t change everyone else, I simply decided to start with myself. So, what do kindness and respect actually mean to me? How can I ‘live’ them? After some research I came across ‘The Live Your Values Deck’ from Lisa Congdon and Andreea Niculescu. They define these two values so beautifully:
Kindness: to be warm, considerate, and benevolent toward others
Respect: to consistently offer to others, and to receive in exchange, regard for things like feelings, rights, traditions, abilities, qualities, or achievements.
Ok, that’s enough theory, now let’s put this into action. How do I ensure that I AM genuinely kind and that I AM showing respect in my day to day life? The one and only answer: by reflecting on my own behaviour. I am asking myself at least once a day (questions are inspired by Lisa and Andreea as well):
How was I kind towards myself and others today?
How did I model kindness, especially in the presence of my kids?
Did I give others the benefit of the doubt before responding?
How did I show respect today, i.e. listening, affirming and treating all of humanity with honour, dignity, care, and consideration?
Did I manage to disagree and express my POV in a respectful way?
When I don’t have a lot of time I might consider only a couple of questions for my reflection. I think about them during a dog walk. I use them as journal questions. We sometimes use “How was I kind today?” as dinner or bed time question. Whatever I feel like.
By doing this reflection on a regular basis, my self-awareness around kindness and respect has increased tremendously. I’m literally catching myself in the moment when I’m not acting in line with these two values at work and at home.
“And yes, living these two values is part of the impact I’m trying to make in this world. Especially for my kids. So that diversity, equity and inclusion as well as psychological safety are deeply nurtured by our natural way of being with each other.”
Warmly, Viviane