Being an expat partner is like being a quilt maker

One of my coaching clients told me about a quilt her auntie made for her for the time she went away for college. Every time she snuggled up in that quilt during winter she felt at home and protected. 

This got me thinking about expat life. 

Many of us have collected very different ‘scraps of fabric’: from small moments to huge life transitions, good or bad, wanted or unwanted, all these scraps leave a memory which shapes us. 

 Very often as expat partners we have the skills to put them together in a way which makes a beautiful and unique quilting pattern. We confidently include scraps of fabric from our kids, from our partner. We are on top of things. And the quilt protects us, it’s our emotional anchor.

But sometimes life can be also very overwhelming. And you simply have no clue how to include the next batch of fabrics thrown at you.

- Shall we accept another expat assignment or go ‘home’?

- What’s actually my role in this global adventure? Who looks after me or is my only role to be the emotional backbone for others?

- How on earth will I stay relevant for the work force after this ‘career break’? And is that ‘career’ actually something I still want?

The quilting process stops. Procrastination sets in.

- You can’t decide on what to do next.

- You lost clarity about who you actually are and what you want for yourself from your time abroad.

- You lost confidence and stopped believing in yourself and your incredible skillset.

So, what now?

In America there are quilting groups which are called ‘quilting bees’. A quilting bee is a get-together for people who sew and quilt to work on their individual or group projects with like-minded individuals. Quilting bees are great for learning new skills and techniques and chatting with peers about each other’s journeys.

Have you found your ‘quilting bee’?

Mingling with other expat partners to help you sort out the scraps of fabric can be a wonderful opportunity to connect on a deeper level. You might try various pattern combinations and, in the end, you follow your intuition. Realizing that we are altogether on this journey can be a great energy booster.

What if you want to dig deeper into what’s holding you back from integrating new scraps of fabric?

You can always reach out for 1:1 coaching support which I offer for expat partners worldwide. Going through life transitions is nothing that you have to do alone. Having lived and worked in several countries myself, I went through lots of ups and downs of expat life – I see you and I hear you. 

What changes for you after coaching? 

You will feel the courage again to embrace the unknown. You will speak your mind with the intention of giving direction to yourself. And to your family, in order to gain a mutual understanding in which direction to move on. You’ll have a better understanding of who you are and what impact you’re craving to make in your life. That clarity will give you confidence and you’ll have a firmer, more grounded presence in everything you tackle. 

Where are you on your quilting journey? 

Warmly, Viviane