Are we painting our ‘expat life’ together?
Babe, how about spending the next couple of years abroad ?
Has your partner come home with an offer for an international assignment? Or have you been planning a self-initiated global move? It’s end of February and with Covid restrictions being lifted in various countries the ‘expatriation carousel’ seems to start turning at a faster pace again… And I can only assume that there might be lots of life changing discussions happening in some families right now…
Join me on a trip down memory lane
March 2017… During my 3rd parental leave we decided to travel to Australia, along the coast from Sydney to Melbourne. This was supposed to be the last big holiday before our eldest son would start Grade 1 in September in Germany. At the same time, we were also in the process of applying for an international assignment. But who knew if that would work out…
Honestly, I don’t remember a lot of Sydney as we were all completely jet-lagged: mom and dad because baby-girl was teething and thus cried a lot during the flights and son 1 and 2 because they were completely fascinated by the board programme and watched as many movies as they could… Guess what: I never made it to Bondi beach!
But I do remember that one evening in Australia when we received the call that our South African expat adventure would start in August 2017 😍 One of the most precious moments in my life!
Reality bites
As you can imagine after the first excitement, reality hit us: was living in Johannesburg a wise decision? With 3 small kids? A few people told us immediately that they wouldn’t come to visit as it was too dangerous…
And how would we live - assuming we would make it through the first couple of days alive ;)? What school would we send our children to? Would I be able to work? I hadn’t given any of that much thought and honestly, I had no clue. But I was pretty sure that Plan A would simply work out: continuing my marketing career abroad, sending our kids to the German school and living in a small compound close by.
Guess what: NONE of that happened.
We decided to live in a large estate. Well, it was mostly me who decided on this as I simply wanted to feel super safe for the time my husband was away traveling. And our new home was too far from the German school So, after only 3 weeks our kids switched to a local South African school – with no word of English. They all thrived and if you ask me now: I would do it again, exactly the same way! But the first weeks were NOT easy…
I couldn’t continue my own career path abroad as I had hoped for because the problem of getting a work permit was real. After a short identity crisis (still enough for another post though ;)), as my self-worth was too closely tied to having a proper corporate job with a proper title, I was able to reframe my time abroad as a wonderful opportunity to start a new chapter in my professional life. I became an integral coach and enneagram practitioner instead - and found real meaning.
Through Social Media I found many like-minded women in Johannesburg, experienced a truly uplifting community and a real sense of belonging. This is worth mentioning as I hadn’t been active on Facebook or Instagram before AT ALL.
I could go on but I think you get a notion that the process of moving abroad as a family is a completely individual adventure. My challenges wouldn’t be necessarily your challenges. Maybe you would tackle things completely different to how I dealt with them.
Things you might want to ask yourself - ideally before signing the contract ;)
1) Are we both, my partner and I, into this adventure, e.g. is it a picture that we are painting together? Are we willing to continue painting together also when times get rough? And believe me, they will…
2) What’s the reason for going abroad? Is it mainly something we need to do to advance the career or is it something bigger, something we truly want for our family to experience? Maybe I should add here: I’ve seen it many times that families were very reluctant to go, had a bumpy transition period but eventually fell in love with expat life. There’s always hope ;)
3) How open-minded are we to start from scratch and also support our kids through this? You’ll basically start at zero, maybe not language wise (maybe yes) and the rest is new: house, neighbourhood, school, friends, office, colleagues, administration, public transport, safety & security, food, doctors, etc.
4) What does success and career mean to me as the accompanying partner? Maybe it’s possible for both of you to continue your career paths. What if not? How do you feel about leaving the beaten, linear path and take the one less travelled by? Because that’s what an expat partner career will most likely look like.
Your resumé might become really colourful. Dealing with uncertainty as THE golden thread. You’ll be absolutely ready for the future of work!
What do you think when you read this? Where are you in the decision making process? What plans do you have for your time abroad? What are you struggling with?
Warmly, Viviane